FUNNY EXPERIENCE..Just for Laugh

When I got married, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home.

On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.” She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around mevigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not.

At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: “Happy Birthday!!!” I fainted!

 

BREAKING NEWS: Tanker Falls, Spills Fuel On Badagry Expressway

A tanker has fallen at Finiger bus stop on Badagry Express road and fuel is spilling.

Luckily, Lagos Fire Service is on location just in case of spark of fire.

There is currently heavy traffic at Badagry Express road and cars are on stand still.

 

Churches, Activists Drag President Jonathan To UN Over Pardon To Alamieyeseigha, Homosexual Rapist

World Evangelical Alliance (WEA) and Socio-Economic Rights and Accountability Project (SERAP) have dragged the President Goodluck Jonathan-led Federal Government to the United Nations Universal Periodic Review (UPR) expressing “serious concerns about the state pardon granted former Bayelsa State Governor, Diepreye Alamieyeseigha by President Goodluck Jonathan.”

The groups said they “consider this to be entirely inconsistent with the country’s international human rights and anti-corruption commitments, and the promises made by the government of Nigeria to the United Nations during its Universal Periodic Review in 2009.”

The complaint was submitted to the UN as part of an update to the submission made by the groups to the UPR this month.

The 2009 UPR asked the government of Nigeria to pursue its “fight” against corruption so that “all its citizens” can enjoy peace, health and security. The government of Nigeria accepted all the recommendation.

WEA and SERAP said that, “However, despite these commitments to the international community, the government of Nigeria has not taken seriously its expressed commitment to combat corruption.”

The groups also said that, “By granting pardon for Alamieyeseigha the government has also seriously undermined the integrity and efficacy of the fight against corruption, eroded the credibility of public institutions (in particular anti-corruption institutions and agencies), undermined the deterrent effects of punishment for corruption, and engendered public cynicism.”

According to the groups, “The granting of pardon will also lead to a vicious cycle of corruption and impunity of perpetrators, and this can only continue to rob the government of its capacity to deliver services to the poor, and ensure that corrupt public officials keep the proceeds of their misconduct. This is double jeopardy for the victims of corruption in the country.”

The groups said that “This shows the government’s lack of political will to genuinely combat high level official corruption in Nigeria, and sends a wrong message that certain individuals who are close to the government will enjoy impunity for their misconduct and will be above the law.”

“Because corruption has been an intrinsic part of the way successive governments have operated, it will be impossible for the country to achieve development, sustainability and end poverty and discrimination if corruption persists,” the groups also said.

“We are also concerned that the granting of pardon amounts to a fundamental breach of the constitution of Nigeria, which among others requires the president to eradicate all corrupt practices and abuse of power. We hope to see the Universal Periodic Review of Nigeria reflect the concerns outlined in our submission (and this update), and include in its outcome document the following recommendations addressed to the government of Nigeria”:

a. Rescind without further delay the alleged state pardon granted former Bayelsa State Governor, Diepreye Alamieyeseigha

b. Ensure full repatriation and recovery of the stolen public funds by Diepreye Alamieyeseigha

c. Ensure full transparency and accountability in government institutions

d. Improve financial oversight of government’s expenditure

e. Build judicial capacity to enhance the prosecution of corrupt public officials

Mr. Alamieyeseigha was detained in London on charges of money laundering while he was governor in September 2005. He escaped from the UK in December 2005. He, however, pleaded guilty in court to a six-count charge in July 2007, and was sentenced to two years in prison on each count charge.

WEA is a network of churches in 129 nations that have each formed an evangelical alliance and over 100 international organizations joining together to give a world-wide identity, voice, and platform to more than 600 million evangelical Christians

SERAP is a Nigerian based human rights and anti-corruption NGO.

 

Weird Love: Randy couple caught having sex in McDonald’s toilets

A randy couple were booted out of a McDonald’s after they were caught having SEX in the ladies’ loos.

Female customers got a shock when they discovered the man and woman grunting and groaning on the floor of the toilets at teatime – when the burger restaurant was packed with children.

The love hungry pair were caught and frogmarched off the premises by security guards.

One mum, who was in the fast food store at the time, stormed: “They should be disgusted with themselves, doing it in McDonald’s. It’s a kids’ restaurant.”

The 42-year-old was with her son, 10, and daughter, 22, when the smartly-dressed couple in their late 30s popped into the restaurant in The Galleria centre, Hatfield, Herts.

After they went into the ladies, people started coming out looking horrified.

The outraged woman said: “My daughter then went herself.

“She told me they were at it on the floor and all you could hear was the man groaning and grunting away.”

The mum told the manager, who called security guards.

Last night a McDonald’s spokeswoman said: “A couple were found behaving inappropriately in our toilets.

“As a family restaurant we take this very seriously and the couple were immediately asked to leave.

 

Senegalese woman with drugs hidden in her private part arrested at Lagos airport

A 33-year-old Senegalese woman, Miss Kamara Oumou was on Wednesday apprehended with 680 grammes of heroin and cocaine carefully hidden in her private parts at the Murtala Mohammed International Airport (MMIA) Lagos, while attempting to board an Arik Air flight to Dakar.

She was nabbed by operatives of the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency (NDLEA).

The suspect with Senegal international passport number 400680371 claimed she had to smuggle the drugs due to the love she had for her Nigerian boyfriend.

She was arrested during the screening of passengers at the airport.

Commenting on Miss Oumou’s arrest, NDLEA Airport Commander, Mr. Hamza Umar said that the suspect used industrial tape to stick three parcels of cocaine, weighing 515 grammes on her waist while 6 wraps of heroin weighing 165 grammes were inserted in her private parts.

He said, “it was a carefully concealed method but not intelligent enough to escape our detection.”

Mr Umar said they were shocked beyond imagination over Miss Oumou’s revelation of smuggling the drugs for love she had for her Nigerian
boyfriend whom she identified as Hakeem.

According to him, “preliminary investigation revealed that they both met in Dakar where Hakeem is believed to have lived for 11 years. Their
relationship lasted only six months before Hakeem left Dakar in December 2012. Hakeem invited Kamara to Lagos from Dakar and lodged her in a hotel where they both spent a week together.

“Within this period, he made necessary arrangement for Kamara to go back with the drugs.”

Narrating her ordeals, Kamara said that it was her first time of seeing drugs.

“I have had a good relationship with Hakeem until my arrest. The day he brought the drugs to the hotel room was my first time ever of seeing drugs.

“He called the drugs ‘products’ and that his business partners are unfaithful and he wants me to take the products to Dakar because he had trust in me.

“Hakeem taught me how to pack the drugs and also took care of my travel arrangements. He said that he lives in the East, but he took good care of me in a hotel in Lagos. We were to travel together to Dakar but he suddenly changed the arrangement. Hakeem travelled to Dakar a day before my trip” Kamara stated.

“How can I ask my boyfriend to pay me? I smuggled the drugs for the love I have for my Nigerian boyfriend” Kamara affirmed.

Meanwhile, Chairman of the NDLEA, Alhaji Ahmadu Giade has urged members of the public to to be weary of the tricks employed by drug traffickers.

“It is wrong to commit crimes. No reason is strong enough to get engaged in drug trafficking. Drug barons may claim to be in love with unsuspecting couriers. They may even present themselves as philanthropists, members of the public are advised to shun drug trafficking” Giade said.